Whisper of the Heart: Ch. 11

Whisper of the Heart - Chapter 11
Touko's Lament

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Touya

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I sat opposite Touko at a small coffee shop on the outskirts of Nimbasa's famed theme park, watching her movements intently. Not too long ago, I had found her in a crying heap amongst the crowds of people, sobbing to herself as her travelling companion abandoned her there with threats of murder. As I knelt by her side, trying to grasp her attention, I saw him turn to look at me - his eyes were sad, but as soon as he saw my cold glare, he returned it with one of his own, facial expression twisting in disgust. He straightened the collar of his shirt roughly, before turning and stalking away into the crowds once more.

I always felt there was something strange about him. I could have done something when I first met him at Liberty Garden; I could have told him not to hurt Touko, or I would hurt him. I could have even said that there was something odd about him, to either one of them, but no, I kept my distance like a chump.

I could have helped them.

For the moment, all I could do is try my best to comfort Touko with my words, but that just seemed to make things worse. For my perspective, N was a villain; from hers, a poor, misguided soul. While I found her point of view plausible, I just couldn't accept it, no matter what she tried to say, and she didn't like that at all. It made me feel guilty that my attempts to help her only made the problem bigger, and I wished I could think of something better to say to her. Something convincing.

But I knew it was a lost cause, as soon as I opened my mouth.

"Touko, please, you have to trust me," I pleaded with her, and she glanced up at me with a solemn expression. "This is for the best. Being around someone like him would only put you in danger."

Of course, the first words she'd said to me were denial of that truth. And these weren't any exception to the flow. "He's not dangerous," She objected, quickly continuing when she saw my frown of disapproval. "He's just being manipulated by that stupid father of his! He doesn't see how wrong it is to be part of that awful gang."

"He sees it perfectly. Haven't you thought that maybe he's in control of the choices he's making?" I asked her, leaning forward.

She looked at me with the most serious expression I'd seen on her, half-slamming her paper coffee cup down onto the table. "No," She said bluntly, and I sat back a little, her face growing colder as she watched me recoil from her one-word response.

"I just…" I paused for a moment as she watched me. "I don't want you to get yourself hurt trying to protect that guy."

"That guy?" She snapped at me, chair scratching on the brick flooring as she pushed it back, looking ready to stand up and leave at any moment. "How could you possibly know enough about 'that guy' to make an accusation like that? You met him once, and only spoke a few words to him!" Touko's eyes gleamed dangerously as she yelled; passers by turned and gave her confused looks. "For that matter, who are you to be saying all this to me? You barely know me, either! For all I know, you could just be trying to sabotage me and-"

The look on my face must have been as horrified as I felt to choke off her anger-fuelled rant. I could feel my skin getting colder by the second, as if what she had just said was killing me from the very core of my soul. It was true, we had only known each other for a small period of time, and we didn't know each other very well, but to suggest that I was sabotaging her? "T-Touko, I… You know I would never do that…"

She looked sad. "That's the thing, isn't?" She said softly. "I really don't know."

I grimaced. Just like that, I was done - done trying to convince her to let him go, done trying to open her eyes. Just done. I stood slowly, restraining myself from glaring at her. "Fine. Looks like that's my cue to leave." She opened her mouth like she was about to say something, but I cut her off. "No. You know what? I don't care what you do anymore. Go chase after him! Go and ruin your life and get in trouble and regret it all once you've figured out what a terrible person he is. But just remember, I won't be there to save you when it happens."

"Touya," She breathed, eyes wide. "I-I didn't mean-"

"Goodbye, Touko," I said tonelessly, clapping her on the shoulder as I walked past her; I felt her flinch at my touch, but I didn't let myself be deterred by it. If she wouldn't listen to me, then there was nothing more I could do here.

Before I could clear the span of her reach, she was gripping my hand and pulling me back. "Touya, don't," She said shakily, and I stopped where I was, letting her hold me in place. "Please don't leave, I… I'm sorry."

"But it won't change anything," I countered, turning on her; she withdrew her hand, startled. "You're still not gonna give up on him, are you?" She looked down, obviously considering my point. I pursed my lips. "Didn't think so," I muttered, but she started to speak as I turned to leave again.

"If it was one of your friends in N's position, and you in mine… would you give up on them so easily?"

I was speechless; I hadn't thought of it like that. I was so dead-set on making her see my point of view that I hadn't taken the time to try and see hers. As I watched her carefully, she gave me a tentative smile. "You see now, don't you? You understand what I want."

I thought for a second. "… Yeah, I see." I took my hat from my head in one hand and ran my other through my thick brown hair. What was I supposed to do? The only thing that had changed was my understanding of Touko's argument; I still though N was a bad person. "You realise that-"

"That this doesn't change anything?" She interjected, and I grimaced. "Yeah, I know that. I'm just glad you see it how I do now, at least." Looking rather uncomfortable, she rubbed her forearm with her hand. "Um, if you still want to go, then…"

Talk about a major wave of guilt. I felt bad just leaving her there, even after she apologised and explained herself, but I couldn't take anymore of this. "I probably should," I said quietly. "But I'll… I'll keep in touch. You have my Xtransceiver number; call me anytime if you need anything."

Touko smiled. "Ah, sure." She sat back down gingerly, nodding slowly.

I felt terrible as I left the store, pushing my hat down over my eyes as I was filled with bouts of guilt. I wanted nothing more than to be there for Touko and help her through this, but with our different opinions of the situation, I knew it would be near-impossible. For now, there was only one thing I could do.

I had to find N.